Title: What If…
Character/Pairing: Ziva/Ray with mention of Tony/EJ
Spoiler: 8.20 Two Faced
Word Count: 385
Summary: Ziva has a decision to make…
Ziva looked at her phone and saw the eighth text message of the morning. It was a new record, usually by this time; he had only sent four maybe five. The record for one day was twelve – not counting the phone messages and emails.
She had to give him credit for persistence, but did she really think he would be anything else? The thought that she knew him so well as not to be surprised gave her pause.
She knew she had overacted, knew from the moment the words left her mouth, but she couldn’t stop them. She knew her emotions were getting away from her – yet she didn’t try to rein them in, she let them spill over like a deluge over a dam, not caring that she sounded ridiculous.
Maybe if she hadn’t seen Tony and EJ being so cozy in the elevator right before EJ’s off the cuff revelation she wouldn’t have been so raw emotionally – she might not have reacted at all to the fact that he had been working with NCIS on the port to port killer case and didn’t tell her. She knew about keeping secrets, even from those you cared about – especially from those you cared about. It wasn’t about trust – she trusted him – she gave his information to Gibbs without a second thought, so why the outburst? Why did she continue to ignore him?
The why? Self-defense – pure and simple
She knew in her hearts of hearts the reason she hadn’t responded to him; she was still deciding.
Deciding if she wanted to pursue her heart with Tony or pursue her life with Ray. She knew a life with Tony was a long shot at best – a road too long traveled and filled with obstacles. Could she put Tony behind her and really give herself over to Ray? Could she give to Ray the thing that she couldn’t give to Tony no matter how hard she tried? Could she utterly loose herself to another person – just this once? Could she bring down the carefully constructed walls and allow him access to her soul as well as her body?
Up until now this thing with him had been easy, comfortable, fun - but now with this falling out – it was decision time – hold on or let go.
What if the next time he called – she answered?